I never was great on the balance beam. Uneven bars? No problem. The rings? Sure. But the balance beam? I'd jump up, using the nifty springboard thing, stand (none-too-gracefully, I imagine), and take a few tentative steps. I'd do OK for a bit, but sure enough, I'd try to turn or bend, and I'd fall off. I tried and tried. I got bumps, bruises, abrasions, and sprains. I came to loathe the high beam. After spraining both my wrist and ankle in the same spectacular fall, I started to fear it. It was my nemesis. I'd dread going to PE because I knew my teacher would make me try again, and my classmates would see me fall. The after-school gymnastics program included the beam, too, but at least there I could avoid it without it affecting my grade!
Right now, I feel like I'm on that balance beam again. I'm the pudgy 5th grader trying and trying to successfully walk from one end to the other, and back again, but I fall every single time. Balancing work and home is becoming more and more of a struggle. To be a good mom, I end up neglecting work. To be efficient at work, I need to put in lots of hours outside of the school day, which means less time with my family.
These past two weeks I was faced with 60 essays, 60 quizzes, and 60 projects to grade. I stayed late, I worked through planning time and when the students were working quietly, and graded while sitting on the living room floor with Zoey while she played. It got done, but it was pretty awful. It didn't help that I was getting emails and phone calls from parents asking when these things would be graded and posted to my online gradebook. I just couldn't seem to catch a break. I got the stuff graded, but I was so stressed. The trouble with being an English teacher is that, for most assignments, there is no "right" or "wrong" answer. Essays and stories and projects need to be read, edited, critiqued, and scored. If you rush you'll miss things. Having 60 students makes it very challenging to get anything graded in a timely manner, unless I give up my life to get it done. I'm not willing to do that anymore. Before Zoey, I'd give up a weekend day (or sometimes the whole weekend) to get my grading done. I won't do that now. Zoey needs her mumma, and I need my Zoey. Teaching is my profession. It isn't my life.
