"You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. ”
― Fred Rogers
I went back to work August 27. I'll be honest. I would rather be home with Zoey. I miss her smile, her cuddles, her giggles, and being Mommy full time. It also makes it hard for me to take time for myself, because I get home from work, relieve my husband of parenting duties so he can have some time to work or relax, and the next thing I know, it's time for bed. Zoey and I snuggle, talk, and play. Somewhere in those precious few hours, I prepare bottles, change diapers, and maybe toss in a load or laundry (baby-puke-soaked clothes really shouldn't sit in the hamper too long...trust me). If I'm feeling ambitious I'll cook something for supper; more often it's something I can pop in the oven or it's take-out. Luckily, I haven't had anything to grade at home, but I know it's coming. Haven't figured out how to do that with a baby on my lap yet.
Yesterday, I took an hour to go out in my kayak. It was nice. I wasn't the teacher, I wasn't mom, I was just me. Our local community theater is having auditions for a fun musical next weekend. I'm so torn. I'd love to audition and be on stage again. It's been far too long. But that means giving up time with Zoey. Rehearsals a few times a week, and then once the show draws near, rehearsals almost daily, and 2 weekends of performances. I can't decide what I want to do. I love being on stage, singing, performing, making people smile and laugh. But Zoey's only a baby once. I'm afraid I'll miss something.
I try not to let fear drive me, but it sneaks in there sometimes. I'm horrible with the "what if's." What if she crawls for the first time when I'm at a rehearsal? What if she's sick and needs me and I have to miss a rehearsal? They're counting on me, too. What if I teach all day, stay after for a detention or to grade or make copies, come home, eat, and go to rehearsal. I will see Zoey for maybe an hour that day. What if she's napping during that hour? Plus, hubby will have her all day and all night too. He's SuperDad, but he needs some down time on occasion.
It's harder to balance working and momming and being me than I thought it would be. I sometimes feel I can't be all 3-the teacher, the mom, the Me. There doesn't seem to be enough time for all of them.
I'm trying to think of other things I enjoy that I could do that wouldn't require quite so much time away from my family. My hobbies consist of music, theater, musical theater, refinishing furniture, kayaking and camping. The last three don't work so well in a Maine winter. Sigh.
I'd love input out there from other working moms! How do you make time for yourself, without feeling like you're missing out on precious family time? How do you balance it all?
